Monday, June 19, 2006
10:16 PM
Haha. Spent the day doing maths =x tiring and sians. Its either too repetitive or too hard. All in all, boring stuff.

Some people ask me, "Why aren't you the least enthuastic about this?" I always wonder if the problem lies with the event. But today, i would think that it is because i do not feel that attachment. People do get very personal over decisions in many instances. I would not deny. I am very personal in alot of things i do. I do because i mean it and i dont because i mean it to. But i would think it all boils down to sentimental values.

Sometimes i ask myself, why do i feel so different during alumni band pracs and rj band pracs. I feel enthuastic about alumni band pracs no matter how bad my mood was on that day. For rj, i could get pissed off even on one of my best days. I question, is it the aircon, the bandroom, the instrument, or is it just me? I would think it is me, if i felt for the band. Many people find it weird. My alumni is mixed of people from 2 schools. My section especially. Out of 4 concerts, only 2 had other rv people in it. But i think its the kind of attachment that i have with the band, with ms chan and the style of the band. It feels very familiar, and i feel good in it. Rv people is characterised by our need for a comfort zone. We are afraid of getting out of it, and i feel comfortable with the alumni. At least much more than in rj.

I believe it takes time and effort to cultivate such sentimental values. The kind of attachment, the good times and bad times, all memorable. Those made up how i feel towards something. The four years in rv band made me very attached to the band. I believed i truly feel for the band. The feeling is there. The happiness is for the band, the sadness is for the band too. Last year during syf, when rj did not make it for a gold with honours, i felt sad. But that was for myself. When RV managed to secure the gold with honours, i felt happy, both for my juniors and for the band. The name, the image, the quailty of the band. That is what i felt happy about. Its different. Maybe many people would not understand. It is how i feel for the band. The enthusiasm in me for things do not come on the surface, but from what i truly felt for, and is truly attached to.

I know there are juniors that do not like me to be around, but im always around. Because i feel for the band. I want to watch it grow, or even when it is at its low points, to go through it with them. I think it is the kind of feeling i have for the band the matters to me. The feeling for the school too! Many people say they hate rv or rv sucks, but in the end, they are still attached to the school. The school means something to them. We say among our own people rv sucks, but when people comment about rv, i believe many of us will reason it out with them. At least me and my friends do. Its the kind of attachment and the sentimental values that give you the kind of feeling when you hear others talk bad about your school. It will give you the courage to face the person. It is hard to acquire that.

Sometimes people ask me why i do foolish things. I only answer them, "Because i feel for it"

`someday my princess will come. She just took a wrong turn, got lost and is too stubborn to ask for directions]]* ;